just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
