So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
