Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
