they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
