so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
