Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
