You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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