I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
