Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
