thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
