I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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