so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
