i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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