Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
