Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
