Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
