If that was your dad, he is hot
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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