omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
did i just pee glitter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
