Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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