You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
