My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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