I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
