Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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