On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
