Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
