You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize