I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
