Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
