he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
