He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
