Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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