All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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