i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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