Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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