Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
