So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
40s are totally the cure
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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