Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
