I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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