if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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