her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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