Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
