Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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