I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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