I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
