I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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