you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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