At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
