It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
