I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
