I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
