He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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