and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
