I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
this hospital has no fireball
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize