Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
