Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
