I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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