i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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