why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
