Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
