If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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