you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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