Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
