Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
