who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
