I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
